And It Begins

I am not the type of person to write anything down about my feelings. I never kept a diary for more than two days, and nothing personal is ever written down. I used to dread writing creative writing essays in high school because I was never good at saying what it was I was thinking. My feelings and words don't seem to mesh as I'd like to, and I am also scatter brained as many Americans are. I do not consider myself an extremely deep person and I feel that my business is mine until I share it with someone, or besides who really cares about ME? So you ask, why then start a blog? Hopefully by reading my blogs you can decide for yourself why I chose to being putting my life into words...

I have lived an enchanting life. Pretty much everything has been handed to me. In the past 21 years I have been blessed with a great family, amazing friends, necessities, and of course many luxuries. I have an incredible passion for my future career, and I know I have been placed on earth to help and serve others. Unfortunately though, I have only recently discovered this.

Like everyone else I have had my ups and downs and the past couple of years have been a roller-coaster of them. I could tell you my life story but that would take too long and be way to unimportant. I am not the same person I was before. I started my life over about two years ago, and since then I have had my slip ups and I have resorted to my past ways, but now I am a stronger and more mature individual.

I want to start out in my first blog by introducing the "Cracked but not Broken" name I have given myself. Like most girls my age I have had my share of heartbreaks and breakups. Of course I have been in love and have been crushed in the process. Since then I have been a bitter woman despising every man I have come into contact with. I am slowly getting through this process through trial and error. This, however is not the meaning behind the name, though at first I thought it was the inspiration for it. I am cracked because I have fallen short of the glory of God and I am a sinner. My soul is cracked, but God refuses me to be Broken.

Everyone has scars. They are permanent and there to remind you of where you have been and of your past experiences. It is up to you however on how you choose to act on those memories. Do you hold them against everyone and put the blame on everyone, or do you learn and become stronger? I love to think of the movie Madea Goes to Jail there is a scene in which they speak about forgiveness. Who is forgiveness for? It is for YOU not the other person. You are the one still obsessed with what happened and the one who is tortured with it.

To use an example of my own I will talk about my birth father. Although he walked out on me, never sent me a card, or called me up on the phone for fifteen years, I have forgiven him finally. For years I was bitter and I blamed all my failed relationships on him and that every heartbreak and bad thing that happened in my life was due to him. I was angry and it took me until not too many years ago to forgive him. Why did I decided to? I realized that he wasn't hurting, it was only me. Sure he messed up, but haven't we all and aren't we all going to? I realized that it is not due to HIM that I can't hold onto a relationship, it is because I hadn't tried to have a relationship with the most important man in my life... Jesus. So for the past 2 years I have dedicated myself to my relationship to him and since then forgiveness has come and gone and instead of being a suicidal, demon-possessed, unhappy individual, I am now a princess living in an enchanted place where yes it is not always happily ever after, but for once my glass is half full.