Ignorance Is a Bliss

The older I get the more I tend to look back. Back to when things were simpler and easier. As I grow up and begin to blossom into the woman that I hope to someday become I find myself not wanting to. To be honest I am scared. Scared that I won't make the right decisions along the way and afraid that I will suffer like I have for the past years. I feel as though people are so cruel these days, but is it just "these days"? I can remember growing up and not having a care in the world. The worst thing that could happen in a day was that I'd be called a dummy or scrape my knee on the playground. Now I find myself hurt all the time and unhappy with the way my life is. I spend so many hours of the day studying and pleasing people and planning. Is this what my life is going to be? I have always wanted to serve others, but in that is it necessary for me to undergo all these years of school and pressure, and rejection? I used to love going to school, talking with adults, and even going to church. Now I have found that everything I have trusted in the past I have to reconsider my options, because people aren't what they seem. It's really sad that I cannot trust my elementary teacher, because they just got convicted as being a pedophile, or my family member who just committed suicide, which was so unexpected. I have always said that lying is the worst thing someone could do to me, and that the truth is the only thing I want to hear. Is this because for the first years of my life thats all I knew where lies? Santa, Easter-bunny, Tooth-fairy, those are all things children are told to believe in I was also not told things as a child that I am now finding out about my own family. Now all my dreams have started to shatter, my mom isn't who I thought she was, she's not perfect neither are my best friends or anyone I know for that matter. I know nothing will ever change this, but wasn't it nice when everything was done for you, and you were clueless as to how much hurt and horrible stuff out there? I would rather be ignorant than have to deal with the battles that are going on just like I was at my absolute happiest moment.